Trial and Error is going to be the death of me.

So when I was in college as an art major everyday I dealt with extensive amounts of trial and error, patience and frustration. Yet, in the moment I felt that each project win or lose I was gaining some form of knowledge and inspiration for the next time around. Now forge ahead ten years to me as a professional photographer/artist who at least in terms of commercial work, have dialed in many of the little idiosyncrasies that used to make up trial and error (not all obviously I am not perfect and hiccups even on calculated photo shoots still happen). Since I have taken the winter to spend more time in my art studio working on personal fine art projects and a book the ups and downs have become...well more frequent and intense.
I will be the first to admit I am in some ways a control freak about my art and photography. I am hard on myself (as most artists or people in general are)and yes even a perfectionist at times. However, sitting here writing this part of me is giddy with joy at the inconsistancy and spontinaity of some of my latest "experiments"; even a bit proud for stepping outside my comfort zones. However, the other part of me is screaming "stop playing around and get your act together!" Which to I respond "shut the hell up inside head voice!!!!" (insert explicit words here).
So this is where my story really begins. The whole point of taking a step back from my "career" commercially if you will this winter,experimenting with art, chemicals, processes and procedures is to put it in its most basic form "play around". Inside we were all once children, carefree, curious, optimistic and full of energy. Yet, as adults, me included sometimes we get caught up in things like money, other people's outlooks, insecurity, approval and acceptance but what we don't see is that deep down we are losing the one thing that can truly make us happy...passion. Without passion behind these emotions or everyday gestures that we do work, eat, socialize, buy, pray. Whatever it is if we don't believe we can succeed even when the idea or situation may seem trivial or "childish" I feel that one can never achieve the full success they deserve. And I don't just mean money, fame and fortune. Internal success and achievement is greater than all that in many ways and will last much longer.
With that all said, the trial and error process of my work can only be summed up best as stripping away all the "adult baggage" of societies outlook on art/photography and its primary focus and views at the present moment. Instead I am reverting back to my college days of being an artist with a blank slate. No judgement, no boundaries, no labels or boxes to be put in. Instead just enjoy exploring my inner child.
However, as with all good things, they must eventually come to an end. Since I am a professional photographer.artist and make a living doing so come spring I will be back to juggling commercial work with my growing fondness for fine art and mixed media. But for now wood blocks, smelly chemicals and pandora radio are calling my name.